Pakistani’s Dying for a Green Card Gear Up to Pretend 9/11 Mattered
With the 10th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks closing in, various backgrounds of professionals, students and closeted burgers are preparing themselves to pretend 9/11 mattered to them on a personal and humanitarian level. Our sources indicate that local bloggers who like to delude themselves into believing they are somehow human rights activists, are taking a moment to plan exactly how much senseless drivel they will publish to support the ‘war on terror’ and sympathize with the terror victims (not counting to 677,000 innocent civilians killed by US troops in Iraq). This, they feel, will increase their chances of acquiring that highly coveted green card and GTFO of Pakistan, a country of selective religious cuties.
The phenomenon, it seems will not be restricted to individuals; self proclaimed news channels like GEO, AAJ, Dawn and Express are expected to portray the matter for two segments of viewers – the 1st believing that 9/11 was done by Al Qaeda will be doused in repetitive sensationalism of replayed footage showing jets hitting the twin towers along with panicked screams and that magnificent shot of obese Americans taking their sweet time ‘running’ from the ensuing rubble.
The 2nd group of under-educated conspiracy theorists like Zaid Hamid followers and Arrivals junkies get to hear every ridiculous explanation from aliens, rigged explosives and puppies.
Sensationalism experts who cater to audiences that can be described as ‘complete idiots that happen to have commercial weightage’ have identified the following points bloggers can mention to look good when the US government does background checks:
1. Ask – ‘Where were you on 9/11?’
2. Never point out anything that compels thought and challenges preconceived notions.
3. Pander to readers by making the ‘war on terror’ sound like the greatest humanitarian crusade ever.
4. Label the US troops killed as heroes/victims and innocent Afghans & Iraqi’s killed as collateral.
5. A picture or reference to Obama.
Bloggers are advised against pointing out that in the 10 years since the attack, no construction has begun on the site for a memorial gathering or commercial replacement to WTC; instead focusing energies on being as unoriginal as possible.