Author Archive: Babar Khan
Babar Khan is currently Co-Chair of the One Rupee Project, GM of Sociality360, Program Director of the Fat Torching Plan™ at BodyBeat Recreational Centre and former Auror for the Ministry of Magic.
He is strongly against the Mutant Registration Act, Sith Order, SOPA/ACTA and occupation of any nation by force.
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/babarkj
Twitter: @babarkj
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/babarjaved
Email: babar.javed@sociality360.com
Why Facebook’s IPO is Screwed (Sort Of)
So there’s a pretty critical aspect no one seems to be discussing regarding how valid the valuation on Facebook is; a few days ago, the maximum price tag placed was USD 5 billion … now speculators have doubled that amount. The former can make sense, but what is the latter based on? Have they not [...]
Gilani Makes Another Promise He Can’t Keep
Our beloved prime minister, the master class champion of taking back statements made without pause nor reflection, has vowed to expose hidden elements that seek to disrupt Senate elections. Given his track record here, here and here .. place your bets wisely.
Idiots Guide to Augmented Reality
The seamless overlay of digitized images onto a real environment is referred to as Augmented Reality, which ends up producing a composite picture. An example now familiar to movie goers is by taking filmed shots of real scenery and actors or some digital effects. A time will come in the not so distant future when [...]
Idiots Guide to Cloud Computing
Ever wondered how Express Tribune stores all that data, blogs, articles, video’s and more on its website? Turns out, they utilize a cloud computing service called Amazon S3 (cloud storage solution) which allows sub-editors to obtain computing capabilities through the internet, regardless of physical location. To simplify, cloud computing comprises of massive data centers with [...]
Psychopaths Rejoice Over Asim Jofa 2012 Campaign
Thanks to a new clothing line, all manner of working and non working women can identify themselves with a brand that promotes the existence of all sorts of people, regardless of how unproductive they really are. Asim Jofa campaigns for 2012 call for personifying all manner of women as potential customers, even raging psychopaths. “I [...]
Recession Creating Morgan Stanley Handling Facebook IPO
The world of social media has grown exponentially click by click. Now its crown jewel, Facebook, is expected to launch what may be the biggest initial public offer ever seen, virtual or real. It’s opened up new scrutiny of Facebook and the social media landscape it occupies. Experts note that Facebook has learnt from the [...]
China Weapon X Experiment Fails, Rebranded as Cadmium Spill
As part of their ongoing efforts to rely less and less on nuclear weapons to exert dominance and influence around the globe, the Chinese government has made significant advances in perfecting their Republic army into genetically modified super humans. Following Davos, most business magnates and top leaders from the country felt that perhaps an army [...]
Recession Backed Layoffs Reach Asia, Further Negate Value of Education
Lets examine the bottom line … why get a degree? why study at all? No jobs on the market, ultra qualified executives backed with experience can’t land a decent interview, so why bother at all? The general suggestion among the entrepreneurial circle for aspiring workers of tomorrow is to either land a blue collar gig, [...]
USA Screws Itself with Deficit, Sets New Guinness Record
The world greatest superpower has successfully achieved its lifetime goal of blowing the most money on the least ROI generating projects among all 192 countries the world over, prompting Guinness Records officials to award them the lifetime achievement award for fucking up big time devaluing the USD, killing jobs, destroying purchasing powers and executing innocents [...]
Amazon Pisses Off Shareholders for Future Rewards
In an era where making the shareholder happy is priority number one, its refreshing to see a company like Amazon looking towards a more long term strategy, after announcing the intentional allocation of retained earnings towards expansion baskets instead of chunky profits for stockholders. Obviously share prices fell nearly 9% following the announcement, but like [...]
Awkward Conversations Between Bill Gates & PM Gilani at Davos
Must have been fun, wish we could have been there to see Bill dish him a new one: BG: Hey aren’t you from that country that a. ignored the plight of Arfa Karim at a critical period of her illness and b. hates on all Americans for being sadists? Funny how my people stepped in [...]
Korean Comic Nearly Kills Me
And I had headphones on full volume. On the other hand, the full story line is extremely original and profound. This is the comic link. Please pay attention to and follow the disclaimer where appropriate.
Millions to be Blown on Fictional Asteroid Event
So basically, we have a recession in the air and a pressing hope that the leading governments of the world will use whatever wealth we have to maybe – say – use it to improve the lives of earthlings? Well prepare to have your faith in humanity restored, as the European Commission has approved an [...]
Feminists Allow Release of Snow White and the Huntsman
In an interesting turn of events, the adult twist of the children’s tale ‘Snow White’ starring the expressionless Twilight female lead Kristen Stewart will not be banned or protested against by anti-racist and feminist groups – like NOMAS – around the world. The story line, which features themes promoting supremacy of ‘fair’ beings, was expected [...]
5 things I love about Humsafar Fans
1. Spending less time hogging the internet. My router sucks, and I’m too lazy to get it changed. The net slows down with each additional user online 2. How they talk and bitch about a fictional character instead of doing what they used to do i.e. talk and bitch about real people who have an [...]
Non Religious Parties Support Restoration of NATO Supply Route
Pakistan political parties branded without the face of ‘religious’ – doing so would only hinder their fund raising opportunities with Western forces they supposedly despise – like the PTI, MQM, PML N, PPP and ANP have not aligned with the JUI and ASWJ to verbally protest NATO’s plans to restore their supply route. The route [...]
PM Assures Mansoor Ijaz Safety, Ignores Salman Taseers Death
While the government is strongly counting on you to believe that they are doing everything in their power to prevent the death of Mansoor Ijaz by the hands of feudals or ninja’s, what is odd is the fact that -Salman Taseer was killed by a personal guard -the guard was not punished -and labeled a [...]
PETA Activist Grows a Pair, Goes After US Military
An animal rights activist for nearly 8 years, Mr. Anthony Stark finally decided to do something useful in saving dogs or in this case, preventing their premature death, by starting a slew campaign against the US military for using dogs in combat. This may be the 1st time an activist from PETA has decided to [...]
Wealthy Chinese Women are Sexist
Upper class women of China are behaving extremely sexist nowadays, insisting on female bodyguards instead of males, an obvious plot to equip said female guards with the experience necessary to overthrow the Chinese government sometime this year.
SAMAA TV Ignores Social Media, Pays Dearly
A local TV station ignored significant backlash voiced via social media and online viewers on a show that garnered significant negative publicity in the past week. As per the norm, the channel which is headed by old geezers living in the 1920′s chose to ignore the growing power that social media has, a power no [...]
How to lose the weight and pain
Its better to be that person eating, sleeping and exercising moderately in your fifties instead of those uncles briskly and desperately walking in the public parks hoping for some weight loss. It’s better to prepare, use baby steps. Fix your sleep schedule – 7 to 8 hours a day. Eat a moderately heavy breakfast with [...]
JUI-F Rally Insults Non Muslims While Using Jewish and Mormon Inventions
Its insanely interesting when self proclaimed super Muslims bash those who do not share their own faith, even though the Final Prophet forgave his enemies at every opportunity he got. He forgave those that threw rocks at him, blood relative and otherwise. He never spoke ill of anyone, promoted senseless violence or spoke more than [...]
What 2012 Banking Needs
For all loans to be at a higher spread, the banking model for the future is simple: more lending to higher-quality borrowers and less lending to low quality borrowers. Rather than on returns that are subsidized by loan products, many bank services such as checking accounts and debit transactions will be priced on their individual [...]
Selfless Superhero Sacrifices Himself for Innocents
On early Thursday morning, a senior official of the DHA Vigilance force lost his life protecting a family from would-be robbers. The full story can be read here on Express Tribune. We are currently trying to get in touch with ET sub-editors and the writer for this story Mr. Mirza in order to contact the [...]
Local business magnate quits smoking, scares tobacco companies
At approximately 1:15pm, the CEO & Founder of Five by Five Communications announced his intention to quit smoking on his twitter. The announcement has been met with intense panic from the tobacco & drug industry, who fear other marketing and advertising community members who admire the millionaire may follow suit in his honor. The CEO [...]
Sahir Lodhi’s Accomplishes Hate-Love Ratio 360 to 1
The most consistently baked looking Pakistani celebrity has earned himself over 87,000 fans who DISLIKE his work, while his own Facebook page has 242 admirers. The ratio should not serve to dishearten the Shahrukh Khan wanna-be as his time to shine is around the corner, with Valentine tie in brand campaigns expected from a media [...]
Obama Cracks Hilarious Joke, Hopes Re-Election
The first black President of the most easily offended and supremely overweight super power of the world versed his best ever joke during a State of the Union address on Tuesday; he announced a plan to place steep tax increases on wealthier Americans, fresh investigations into the mortgage crisis and support for domestic manufacturing. After [...]
Bill Gates Will Feed The World
Microsoft co-founder and Harvard drop out is redirecting his philanthropic efforts in a new direction (though not necessarily moving away from polio) towards research in agriculture. In a letter posted on the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation website, he explains the the irony that the starving 15% of the world are farmer families. He goes [...]
SOPA Could Have Bankrupt Google
One wonders why the biggest search engine/tech house of shiny apps would support a grass root cause against Internet based IP’s. One could argue that said company was created by the same generation that opposes said bill and is merely standing besides its fellow generation members. One could assume so much more, but in the [...]
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